Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
Even though my parents were Christians growing up in Ethiopia, we did not regularly attend church. I knew there was a God and that Jesus died for our sins without even knowing what that meant. As I grew up, I slowly learned who God is and what it meant to be a Christian.
One of the most significant growths in my spiritual life came when my cousin started attending a Bible school and would share with me what she learned. For the first time in my life, I was able to clearly see that,
Christianity is an intimate relationship with God, the Father, and not just a mere religion.
I remember getting so excited to read my Bible and pray with the new revelation that I had just received of who God was. I could tell I was growing spiritually and getting closer to God by the day. During this season of my life, at the age of fifteen, my family and I moved to the United States. It was a big transition for me. I was excited about new experiences and sad at the same time for leaving all my friends and family members I grew up around. I needed to be closer to God even more during this time, but instead, I pulled away. My zeal for the things of God slowly faded, and I was left with loads of emotions I didn't know how to carry or process.
Instead of leaning on God, I sought to get rid of these emotions on my own.
In the fight to adjust to my new environment, I suppressed my feelings. I couldn't even process the fact that I permanently relocated to another country, in another continent, until I got into college years later.
Even though I let go of God's hand during one of the most challenging times of my life, He never let go of mine. Every time I ran away from Him, He drew me back to himself. I used to often pray that God would give me godly friends, and He did just that when I started high school here in America. He guided me through my transitional years and taught me to depend on Him instead of my own strength.
My college years were filled with ups and downs. I couldn't even count the number of times I managed to run away from God and do my own thing. During this time, I processed my suppressed emotions from years ago, when we first moved to the United States. It was such an ugly feeling to confront the past that I thought I had let go of. Again, instead of leaning into God to help me process my emotions, I decided to go rogue.
I was mad at God for not taking those emotions away.
So, I stopped my fellowship with God. I did not see the point of continuing my relationship with God if I still had to deal with everything I thought was behind me. Little did I know that God was more concerned with changing me from the inside out and teaching me to walk with Him than just taking away my pains.
That time was one of the darkest times of my spiritual life. My life felt empty. Other times, when I ran away from God, it happened without intention. I would try to fix myself on my own and put God on hold until I had done so. This time was different. I was intentionally shutting God out of my life. If He was a sovereign God, why couldn't He take all the pain? Why would He allow me to go through all of this all over again if He loved me? I continued to live like this until I got to the end of myself. I was tired of running away from the one thing that would save me. I finally broke down before God and repented for hardening my heart against Him. And He showed up. He picked me up when I thought He wouldn't want anything to do with me. He opened the doors for me to join a campus ministry that slowly healed my heart while learning about the heart of God for me.
One of the things that I always used to pray for was a church community.
I never really had one growing up, and I desired to have people that would encourage me in my walk with Christ. Surely enough, God answered that prayer through Overflow City Church. I had even forgot about this until the church-wide prayer and fasting. My friends and I decided to pray together every day for one another and the church. On one of the days, God indeed met us. He touched our hearts and revealed that we had been distracted for so long with the things of the world and entertainment that we stopped hearing from Him. Days before the prayer and fasting, I felt far from God, and my spirit weakened. I thought it was the stress from school, so I hadn't given it much thought. However, I realized that I had been distracted. I had let go of God's hand yet again, but here He was showing me that He never let go of mine.
There are many things that God has rescued me from, and through it all He has always kept me. He never let me wander away and get lost forever. Even when I drifted away and let the waves of this world's worries take me, He directed my steps back to Him. Even when I was faithless, God remained faithful. Even when I turned my back on Him, He never did so.
"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. " (Psalms 116: 5-7)
Saron Tadesse was born and raised in Ethiopia and moved to the United States at the age of 15. Currently, she is a Senior college student at UMBC studying Communications. Saron is passionate about sharing God’s word through writing and periodically posts devotionals for Within Ministry, a website dedicated to edifying women with Gospel-centered content. Saron hopes to one day become a published author.